


There's Beauty in the Flame

by strand__buckley



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmare, Original Character(s), Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Sort Of, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strand__buckley/pseuds/strand__buckley
Summary: Eddie checks in on Buck after a long shift. But is it for Buck's benefit or Eddie's?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 239





	There's Beauty in the Flame

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooooo, I've literally never written anything that wasn't for class or work before so please don't say mean things. I'd like to think I can handle criticism but really I can't. I just wrote this because I had started it months ago and thought maybe I should finish it. I know the tenses change in some places but I can't be bothered to fix it. Anyways Buck and Eddie truly own my life, and some of you guys really create amazing stories on here!
> 
> This really doesn't have a point??????????????? But if one person enjoys it, then I'll count that as a win. :)

It was one of those days flooded with difficult calls and a cacophony of cries and screams that continued to haunt Buck as the truck pulled into the station. Buck had been unusually silent on the journey back, with his soot-covered head pressed against the window, providing him with relief as the cool sensation calmed him. He felt the concerned stares from his teammates like pinpricks on his skin, and while he was grateful they cared, he just couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge them, letting the unasked questions loom in the air and settling like a weight on Buck’s already weighed down shoulders. 

As he heard the familiar beeping that indicated the truck was being parked, Buck opened his eyes, scanned his teammates briefly, and rolled his neck to alleviate the stress that was causing his unwelcomed tension headache. He sighed quietly, pushed the door open, and stumbled out. The day catching up to him completely at that moment, as he felt just how bone-dead tired he was. Buck skipped the showers and quickly slid on a change of clothes, he propped the hood up and loosely pulled the strings to shield himself from everyone and everything around him; to close himself off from unwanted questions and conversations. He felt Eddie’s eyes on him the entire time, knowing he so desperately wanted to check in on his best friend but also knowing Buck needed his space when he was like this. 

Buck was out of the station in less than five minutes, and home in twenty-five. He fumbled with his keys as his lidded eyes were fighting to stay open. He stumbled inside, tossing his keys on the counter, with apparently less accuracy than desired because no sooner did he hear them hit the floor, startling him. He dropped his bag, leaving the keys where they landed and dragged himself upstairs. Knowing the regret he would feel if he chose not to shower, Buck quickly cleaned himself, leaning against the cool tile in his shower, eyes closed as he let the day's atrocities wash off his body. Feeling himself relax as the warm water comforted him, Buck ran through the day's events in his mind even though he was desperately trying to compartmentalize. 

The problem Buck was facing was that even a year after the tsunami, the smallest of incidents could still trigger those memories that he tried to keep locked away, consequently shaking him up for the rest of the day. It was starting to feel like a full-time job - perfecting the art of avoidance. And Buck... Buck was so tired. As the warm water traced Bucks’ face, flashes of the first wave fought to remove Buck from his place in the shower. This usually occurred when Buck was in his most exhausted state of mind where he could no longer put in the effort required to keep his memories at bay. Buck squeezed his eyes shut, slammed his palm against the shower wall, while simultaneously sending up a quiet prayer for safe passage out of these harsh waters. 

These flashes happened frequently, usually triggered by water in some form or another. Luckily for Buck, today his complete and utter exhaustion was winning over his memories. He blindly shut off the water, and reached for his towel, relying on muscle memory to dry himself off. Buck threw on a pair of black sweatpants and a loose-fitting white tee, before quite literally heaving his body onto his bed, not even bothering to get under the covers. No sooner did his head hit the pillow, was Buck sound asleep.

Buck was trapped. His lungs burning, his eyes searching for anything that would indicate where he was, but all he saw was darkness. He felt like he was drowning yet logically he knew that his dry clothes would attest to the lack of water present. It wasn’t until he went to move his arms that he realized he was in some sort of box. No sooner did the panic set in. Was he buried alive? Questions flooded his mind as he tried to figure out where he was. Almost instantly Buck lifted his arm as much as he was able before he started hammering his fist against the top of the metal coffin. Hot tears stung the corners of his eyes as he used all of his strength to pound against the coffin. As Buck punched metal, he startled awake and it took him a few deep breaths to realize there was a faint knocking on his door. 

As Buck blindly felt for his phone, he knocked over the glass of water on his nightstand, too distraught to pay much attention to it. His hand finally landed on his phone as he fumbled with it to check the time. 2 am. Buck had only been asleep for an hour. ‘Great’ he thought as he swiped his hand through his hair and down his face. He forcefully rolled himself out of bed, careful to avoid the shattered glass, and made his way downstairs, eyes still closed.

“That was new,” he mumbled. It was too much to hope for a dreamless sleep tonight. 

He reached for the door handle, and opened one eye along with the door, peering around it to see his best friend standing on the other side, squinting at the harsh light flooding in from the hall. Eddie’s eyes gave him the once over, as he smirked at the zombie standing before him.

“Eddie?”

Eddie chuckled quietly. “I thought you could use some company” a small smile forming as kindness glimmered in his eyes along with worry.

Buck was still half asleep when he opened his door another foot to make room for Eddie. 

“Why didn’t you just use your key?” Buck mumbled longing for the comfort of his bed.

Eddie shrugged leaving the question unanswered. 

Buck shuffled to the kitchen, reaching into the cabinet below the sink, grabbing a pair of gloves, the hand broom, a hand towel, and a grocery bag, as Eddie watched him mindfully, comfortable silence settling between them. Buck glanced at Eddie before heading back upstairs to clean up the glass that lay shattered beside his bed. 

“What happened?” Eddie questioned when they reached the top of the stairs.

“I decided that it was smart to blindly search for my phone in a half-conscious state.”

A quiet laugh escaped from Eddie's lips as he crouched next to Buck on the floor. Buck could feel Eddie’s eyes studying his face, could sense the questions he wanted to ask.

Buck sighed before meeting Eddie’s eyes. “Look man, I’m so tired I can barely think straight. I know you want to talk right now, but all I want is to try to sleep.” Buck paused as he opened the grocery bag and Eddie placed some of the glass inside. “Today sucked, so can we please delay the talk until the morning?” 

Buck’s hands froze when Eddie placed a comforting hand on his forearm, calming some of the lingering frazzled nerves that remained from his nightmare. Buck met Eddie’s eyes, before the older man nodded, silently communicating his agreement with a warm and comforting look. 

Once they cleaned up the glass, and the two men stood up, Eddie cleared his throat, drawing Buck’s tired gaze. 

“Look Buck, just let me be worried about you, okay? We had some hard calls today, and you hauled ass out of the station before I could even get my boots off. Plus,” Eddie motioned towards Buck’s face “I recognize that look on your face.” Buck stared at Eddie, eyes briefly casting downwards before settling back on the older man, feeling both warmth and gratitude for his best friend. 

Buck gave Eddie a small smile, before turning towards the bed, pulling down the covers, and sliding in. 

Eddie stared at him as Buck tapped the empty space next to him in bed. “Let’s go, Diaz. You’re not going to stare at me all night, are you?”

Eddie laughed before getting into bed and settling next to Buck. He turned onto his side, to study the man next to him, as Buck did the same. Eddie put his left hand, palm-up, in between them, meeting Bucks eyes, communicating with only a look. Buck placed his hand in Eddie’s, before squeezing slightly, grateful for his best friend's grounding presence. Buck smiled slightly at Eddie before closing his eyes and welcoming sleep.

+

When Buck woke the next morning it was to his best friend staring at him, with a soft smile, and rumpled hair. Eddie’s eyes darted to the space between them, as Buck followed his gaze to where their hands were still laced together. Buck gave Eddie a small smile before squeezing his hand gently. Buck was still so exhausted from the shift the day prior that his eyes began to close as sleep tugged at his consciousness. Eddie squeezed Buck's hand a couple of times clearly trying to get his attention, so Buck opened one eye in response, getting a small laugh out of Eddie.

“Before you go back to sleep I wanted to tell you that Chris is with Abuela so I was thinking I could just spend the day with you here.” It’s a statement but Buck can hear the underlying question and the uncertainty in his voice. Instead of vocalizing a response, Buck shuts his eye and breathes a sigh of relief before sliding himself over to Eddie, and resting his head next to Eddie’s on his pillow, placing his free hand on Eddie’s chest. He realizes he might be crossing a line, but he also just doesn’t care. At this moment, his defenses are down, and he is content. He can still feel Eddie’s eyes on him, so he gives him a little nod and slides his hand up from Eddie’s chest to the part of his shoulder that meets his neck, and lightly squeezes. Buck can feel Eddie exhale and relax.

They slept for another couple of hours before Buck’s alarm went off, scaring the shit out of him as he visibly jumped out of his skin. His alarm is clearly set for a day in which he has to get up and get ready for work. That day is not today. Buck silently curses himself because today, he conveniently forgot, was his day off. Both he and Eddie groaned at the screaming noise at the same time, as Eddie squeezed Buck's hand, aiming to calm him.

“Ugh, I hate myself” Buck whined as he rolled over and shut off his alarm.

Buck sighed before plopping down on his back, trying to calm his anxiety, while pinching the bridge of his nose and taking deep breaths. A technique that has worked in the past but isn’t doing the trick now. Sometimes, if Buck is actually in a deep sleep, and his alarm goes off, It startles him bad enough that his heart starts racing and his anxiety threatens to drown him. He recognizes it’s odd, and he doesn’t know why it happens, just that it does, and usually, he just has to ride the wave to shore before he can breathe normally again. But today he has Eddie. Eddie who is at his side as soon as Buck’s hand settles on the bridge of his nose. Eddie recognized the movement because he’s seen Buck do it a handful of times to try and quell his anxiety.

Eddie sits up a bit before grabbing Buck’s hand away from his face and using his free hand to comb through the younger man’s hair. Buck opens his eyes and stares at Eddie, hopefully conveying more gratitude than he ever has with one look. If Eddie’s face and the slight diversion of eye contact is any indication, he has succeeded. Buck can feel his heart rate settle, and he audibly sighs in relief.  
“Better now?” Eddie asks quietly as his hand continues to stroke through Buck’s hair.

Buck gazes up at Eddie feeling so utterly grateful for the man at that moment, that he sits up fully, and wraps Eddie in a hug.

“Thank you” Buck whispers, and he can feel Eddie shift a little bit before melting under Buck’s hold. 

“I’m here for you, Buck. Whether it’s sitting in silence on the couch after a rough shift drinking beer, helping you after a nightmare, or preventing your alarm from giving you an anxiety attack,” a small chuckle escapes Buck, “I will do anything for you, Buck. Anytime, anywhere.”

Buck just squeezes Eddie tighter before pulling back and locking eyes with the other man.

"I had a nightmare before you got here, and it wasn't like any I have had in the past. The feeling of drowning was all too real, but I wasn't being crushed by a wave. It was - it was like I was trapped in a box." Buck rubbed the hand that wasn't gripping Eddies through his hair and down his face before huffing out a breath and continuing, eyes gazing past Eddie's head to stare out the window, "It just seemed like all of our calls last night were trying to save people who were trapped, and even though we managed to get them all out of a burning building or their cars, I can still hear their screams. So I think that's why I had that nightmare... The time I was most scared merging with the time they were."

Buck can feel Eddie's hand settle on his knee before Buck chances a look at his best friend. Eddie's eyes are kind and filled to the brim with understanding.

Eddie takes a deep breath before responding.

"I get it, Buck. Why do you think I'm here? Yes, I thought you could use the company, but I know I needed it. If I've learned anything over the years, it's that besides Chris, the only person who can help me," Eddie squeezes Buck's hand, while running the fingers of his free hand through Buck's hair, before settling it on the side of Buck's neck, "is you," Eddie finishes. 

Buck isn't surprised by Eddie's words because he has felt the same way since he's known the man. But something about hearing them out loud is filling Buck with warmth.

"Eddie, I honestly don't know where I'd be without you. You are my safe space, and you and Chris are my family."

Buck takes a deep breath and exhales, before giving Eddie a blinding smile, "It seems... the best thing for both of us is each other."

Eddie gives an equally alluring and peaceful smile before nodding. Both men lean in, no hesitation, just feelings of serenity before their lips lock together. It's long and slow and everything either of the men could have imagined; years of pent up feelings and angst, anger, and fear, but most predominantly: love. Eddie pulls back first, resting his forehead on Bucks'. 

Buck being Buck lifts his head and speaks first. Eddie recognizes the look in his eye: amusement.

"Couldn't we have done that sooner?" he tilts his head and grins.

Eddie chuckles, "That would have been too easy."

Buck rolls his eyes, before pushing himself off of the bed, never letting go of Eddie's hand.

Eddie throw's Buck a questioning look, confused by the man's sudden abruptness, as Buck tugs Eddie off the bed. 

"Eddie, I love you, and I want to keep kissing you, but I really, really need coffee. Otherwise, I might fall asleep in the middle of kissing you, and my ego would never recover."

The older man stares at Buck for a minute, baffled, neither of the men moving a muscle before Eddie bursts out laughing, moving towards the stairs, tugging Buck gently behind him. But not before sweetly planting a kiss on the younger man's cheek, and whispering "I love you too," through his laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know how to write people who do things before coffee.
> 
> ... The alarm thing is based off of the crazy anxiety I get from my too-loud alarm every morning.
> 
> my tumblr is kensiblye if you want to chat or send me prompt suggestions because the creative gene skipped me and went straight to my sister.


End file.
